


Mr and Mr Yatta

by Askell



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Humor, Idiotic, M/M, MORONESQUE, Meet the Family, Meeting the Parents, Parody, This Is STUPID, and I mean absolute crack, you'll need shots of holy water afterward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 12:20:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19701259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Askell/pseuds/Askell
Summary: Genji is anxious because he's going to make a big announcement! He and Zenyatta are getting married!





	Mr and Mr Yatta

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this without having ever played Overwatch, I just absorbed information through osmosis thanks to my good vän Feloss. Don't get mad, I warned you dawg. I told you bro.

It was a dark and beautiful night, on the edge of too warm but that’s climate change for you. Or, climate after-change. The apocalypse, once it’s over it’s like your period, you have bad memories and you know it won’t be over until you’re 40 but for now it’s passed. Not that the two men sitting in the car would know, both being tragically cis.

«SLUT,» yelled the man not-driving, who was also a robot. An «omnibus», as they called themselves. Here, he was politely using the Swedish word meaning «stop», to encourage other drivers to take regular pauses during their trip. By no means was he shaming the man-ster (man-hamster) who just doubled them from the right side of the road and nearly scratched the paint. 

The omniscient was, after all, a zen man. It was even a big chunk of his name. His soon-to-be-husband was fiddling with the radio, trying to find the right kind of static Mr. Yatta enjoyed.

Genji was a simple 76% man, who happened to also be part handmixer and broadcast his own wifi signal on demand. Really the kind of person you’d want to marry, especially if you like constant neon lights; even the tire-less Fiat Panda they drove had neon lights all over the place. Genji was a man of culture, it just so happened that part of his culture was pimped rides.

«Are you nervous Genji-kun,» asked Yatta, Zen. For an omicron, he was most perceptive to cyborg feelings. 

«Iie, Yatta-chan. Actually that was a lie I’m kowai desu.»

«Don’t shimpai, Genji-kun, I’m sure your brother will welcome our announcement.»

«He doesn’t even know I’m gay-desu!»

«Honey,» said Zen in that half-condescending tone older women wearing way too much makeup tend to use. «I don’t think there is a single cunt on what’s left of this poor earth who doesn’t know.» He was legally allowed to use the word cunt contextlessly, legally being an Australian.

«Nani?!»

«You broadcast a wifi signal called ‘BL is life’.»

«It stands for Bacon Lasagna!!!»

Had he had a tongue to tsk with, the omnii-san would’ve tsked. No tongue was also a dynamic in their relationships many people were in their full right to question, perchance imagine or draw fanart about. As it stood, Mr. Bot, Ro, synthesized the aforementioned sound with his synthesizer. 

They kept driving in silence, watching the scenery change outside. It was a strange mixture of Iowan fields and Japanese wooden houses, which meant they were getting closer. Soon they spotted some samurhoses (samurai horses) and obviously didn’t spot any ninjhorse (ninja horses), or they would’ve been bad ninjhorses. Many things proudly wore cowboy hats, such as lamp posts. The countryside had a charm cities simply had not.

After declaring their ceremonial howdies to the local gatekeepers; they finally penetrated the monk ranch which belonged to Genji’s brother and his husband. Everywhere was a celebration of the meeting of two vastly different, but complementary cultures. There were altars with steaming incense and offerings of Whoopers. Fountains carved in the rock spilling Mountain Dew. Genji even spotted his old bamboo wood monster truck. It felt like home.

The Shimada-Mccrees’ house always had a special place in Genji’s heart. That name order had been the result of an intense poker party which may or may not have doubled as strip poker. The fewer he knew, the better. Together they ate California rolls with soy-sauce spiked Coke and large fries. Large fries are universal, and unavoidable.

«M’brothers,» saif Genji at the end of the meal, tipping his sakura-themed fedora in Jesse and Hanzo’s direction. «I have an announcement. I’m gay and this is my boyfriend-desu we’re getting marri-»

«Lemme stop ya right here and there buddy,» interrupted McCree. «We also got tea.»

«Excuse him,» said Hanzo while swatting the back of his head with his animu fan. «What he meant is that we’ve also got a big announcement of our own. And, quite obviously, as he would say, ‘we been knew, honey’.»

Yatta sent his boyfiance a ‘told you so’ look.

«We’ve been lying, but lie we will no more! Junkrat is both of your parents... and he’s here with us tonight. Not the séance way,» he added after a few seconds of awkward silence. «I said he’s HERE-»

There was a big explosion, lots of smoke and a faint smell of burned hair. Dropping out of the floor, there stood Mr. Rat, Junk. He looked his usual self. The connoisseur might have however recognized ceremonial pellets and dapper dynamite, which meant he had dressed up for the occasion.

«’TIS I, JUNKRAT!» he uselessly declared.

«He’s my nani now?» uselessly asked Genji.

«I do believe, husubando-kun, that he’s both of your genitors.»

«This is so emotional, Alexa play old town roads,» sniffed McCree, who was crying of happiness.

There was no guessing who Alexa might have been, nobody even tried to follow his bullshit these days. They collectively guessed it had to do with the lost country of ‘Murica. A bit like Atlantis, except that it didn’t sink into the ocean but under its own racism, rampant capitalism and love for guns. McCree loved it though.

«I know, I know, seeing me you’d barely give me above 20 but I’m actually 25,» explained Junkrat, who was still smoking way too much.

«I thought you were 75.»

«Maybe it’s Maybeline, maybe it’s uranium isotope,» wisely said the omniscient.

After a brief visit of the fire department and a lengthy explanation about Junkrat’s ability to spontaneously birth people because of his shrimp allergy, they all cheered and drank sake-ketchup cocktails (like Bloody Mary, except in the lost ‘Murica it was called Fucking Mertminum -pronounced Mary). They Jesse realized there had been talks about a wedding and promptly fainted out of emotion. 

Just wait until they tell them about the child!

(Nobody’s pregnant, the child is McCree and that’s a terminal case).


End file.
